Chapter 2
DISCUSSION
What are the effects of single-parenthood on Filipino children?
Overview of Single-parenthood
Over the past 20 years single-parent families have become even more common than the so-called "nuclear family" consisting of a mother, father and children. Today we see all sorts of single parent families: headed by mothers, headed by fathers, headed by a grandparent raising their grandchildren.
Life in a single parent household - though common - can be quite stressful for the adult and the children. Members may unrealistically expect that the family can function like a two-parent family, and may feel that something is wrong when it can not. The single parent may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of juggling caring for the children, maintaining a job and keeping up with the bills and household chores. And typically, the family's finances and resources are drastically reduced following the parents' breakup. (http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/single-parent.aspx)
A. Abroad
The demographics of single parenting show a general increase worldwide in children living in single parent homes. Single parenting has become an accepted norm in the United States and is an accepted trend found in multiple other countries. Debates concerning not only the single parents themselves, but also the children involved, support for the families in single parent households, and more have arisen. Although divorce is one of the main events that leads to single parenting, it may be that the majority of cases in the United States are from pregnancy outside of wedlock. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_parent)
In the United States, the number of children in single-mother families has risen dramatically over the past four decades, causing considerable concern among policymakers and the public. Researchers have identified the rise in single-parent families (especially mother-child families) as a major factor driving the long-term increase in child poverty in the United States. The effects of growing up in single-parent households have been shown to go beyond economics, increasing the risk of children dropping out of school, disconnecting from the labor force, and becoming teen parents. Although many children growing up in single-parent families succeed, others will face significant challenges in making the transition to adulthood. Children in lower-income, single-parent families face the most significant barriers to success in school and the work force. (http://www.prb.org/Publications/PolicyBriefs/singlemotherfamilies.aspx)
B. Philippines
Filipinos are said to be conservative people since then, but in today's generation Filipino people tend to be liberated. And because of that, a lot of things are going on today that was never heard before. Just like being a single parent households which are scattered all over the world. So we cannot say that it is because of a specific culture or a certain economic status. Rich or poor,there are a lot of single parents out there.
Sad but true, if the same United States statistics more or less represents the same picture of the modern-day Filipino family, it only means that the role of the Filipino father, held as the pillar of the Filipino home, is now also singlehandedly carried by the mother. The Filipino single mom is now both the pillar and the light.
Thus Filipino single mothers, having become the Pillar and the Light of the Filipino Home by force of circumstance, and because of her characteristic Filipino\ resilience in the face of challenges such as single parenthood, she has evolved into a new symbol -- the lamp post. Both a pillar and light to her children, her family.
Challenges of Single Parents in the Philippines
Financial
Not all of the people in this world is given a chance to be financially stable. Especially when the single parent in the family is the mother itself because in terms of income the father is the most capable in gaining it more.
Financial stability is one of the vital factors in parenting deny it or not. It is very significant because it encompasses day care needs, schooling, food, housing, medical/dental assistance and even the gifts and rewards you will give on your child- money really matters.
According to a single parent interviewed by the researcher, being a teenage single mother gives difficulty in providing the child's day care needs at first for the teenage mom is always asking for the help of the parents. Immediate looking of a work is a must to support the daily needs of the child.
Moreover, another single mother was interviewed, but the cause of being a on the situation is separation from the spouse. The single mom had the work; however, the single mom is worried about the finances if the child is unexpectedly ill, sending the child in a competitive school and the house the parent and the child are living in.
Emotional
Emotions are powerful. Different people define emotions in different ways. It can affect your physical and psychological bodies. Emotions can control your thinking, behavior, and actions. Some people that sometimes ignore their emotions are setting up themselves into physical illness. Negative emotions like sadness and frustration can cause chemical reactions that are very different in chemical reactions released by positive emotions like happy and accepted.
For most people, becoming a single parent was not even their choice. Therefore, it is hard for them to cope with their sudden emotions that they are going through as they go along being a single parent.
The initial reaction of being a teenage single mother is shocked because of the consequences of being irresponsible of their actions. Thinking of how to raise and rear their child, they will eventually feel the sadness of their situation and the anger to the father of their child who left them. At the same time, teenage moms are glad because of the child they have now. They believe that their child is a blessing from God and should not be affected by their being irresponsible.
Moreover, emotional difficulties are also experienced by single mothers from separation. Anger to their husband because of neglecting their family. For them, it is very painful that tends them to be always too emotional by crying because they don't even expect and choose being a single mom and raising the child on their own. If children ask where their fathers are, that is the most challenging part for they do not want their children to be on the situation and also be painful for them.
Social
Discrimination in traditions, policies, ideas, practices, and laws exist in many countries and institutions in every part of the world. It is also present now in relationships between non-traditional families like single parents. Single parents especially the mothers are commonly discriminated by there inability of rearing the child and carry the consequences because they are women.
Male single parents are not really considered to be part of a model of single parenthood. Even male single parents do not compose of majority, they do not feel that they are being discriminated unlike there female counterparts. Sometimes, they are seen as heroes because they were lone in rearing the child.
Moreover, single mothers are also discriminated in the workforce. For instance, a woman who undergo a job interview. The interviewer knew that the woman is a single mother and the child the mother is raising lacks a father figure. These might result to some misconceptions that single mothers cannot do excellently on their work. In addition, these misconceptions might lead to less promotions and less work in the work force.
In our generation today, sexism does not really matter because today what men do can also be done by women like being a conductor and a driver in a bus, a welder, etc. Same goes with the female single mothers. They can surely do this for the sake of their child. At first, they might feel the struggles of being alone in raising their child, but as time passes by they can surely do it. Those discriminatory statements will not help them to overcome this situation, but can worsen it. The society should respect their rights as a human being.
Challenges of Single Parents' Children in the Philippines
Psychological
Since children are still young, parents should be able to provide enough psychological attention to them for they are fragile; they can be easily hurt. For instance, There is this situation that the parent and the children are not of the same sex, which tend them not to overcome psychological effects of single parenthood easily. If the father is present and the child is a girl, the father cannot attend to the needs of the daughter especially if the daughter is in the stage of being a teenager because the father do not know enough about what a girl experiences during that period. Pieces of advices may be given to the daughter but it is more appropriate and comfortable if the one who gives advices is the mother. This also goes to the situation that the mother is present and the child is a boy. This is more difficult to deal with because girls are naturally more understanding than boys. The mother might be having a hard time talking to the child because the absence of a father to a boy is quite a big deal for them unless they are trying to accept things like those from the very beginning.
In addition, other psychological struggles children might experiencing in a single parent family are loneliness, the feeling of being different, and child-rearing differences. Loneliness occurs because children lack a father within the family and they can see the sadness and stigmas their parents are also experiencing. Meanwhile, children might have the feeling of being different. If all of a child's friends live in two-parent households, the child may feel left out and different from his friends. He may feel he misses something in everyday life that he may not exactly understand. Even if the child's friends live in single-parent homes, their experiences will feel somewhat different because of which parent takes care of his friends and each parent's different parenting style. And lastly, child rearing differences on children could give a possibility that they will experience psychological dilemmas. Both parents can have disagreements about rearing the children. They may constantly battle over power and compete for the position of better parent. Counterproductively, in-laws and friends may get involved, trying to help, but ultimately causing distress for the parents and children.
Social
The word sociable is commonly attributed to a person who is willing to talk and engage in activities with other people. And being sociable is the most appropriate attribute that is being described among children. Children are very playful, have lots of friends, and their behavior are mostly naughty. However, not all children are sociable enough because they are kind of timid. And behind this timidity on socializing with their friends always have the reason.
Socially, children in single parent families are greatly affected because they will always have this misconception of being discriminated by their comrade for they are different among their group. On the first days of adapting and overcoming the situation in a single parent family, they have the thinking that other people will not accept the differences between them. Because of this, timidity among the children of single parents will be existing on oneself. They will be shy in socializing with other people and they will have this long process in trusting others until they are sure enough that they will not be discriminated.
Academic
Many of us believe that education is the key to success. It is also considered as the great equalizer here in the earth because it does not matter if a person is rich or poor as long as one is educated everybody is equal. Hence, it is the only legacy every parent can give to their children.
Lack of financial capability of the single parent affects the child's educational attainment because of they are incapable of providing a good foundation on their education by sending them to a competitive school.
Aside from financial difficulties of the single parent, another factor that affects the academic achievements of the children is the lack of attention of the parent to the child. As a parent, they should be able to give enough attention and encouragement on their child's studies. Unlike the traditional two-parent families, single parent families sometimes fail in giving the right attention needed by the child for they are performing the responsibilities of both the mother and the father within the family. To provide good education for their children, single parents tend to work hard which leads them to be caught in a dilemma in having difficulty in balancing their time between the work and the child.
On the other hand, some of the children of a single parent are not having any difficulty in coping the situation of being on a lone parent family for they believe that this situation should serve as their motivation in pursuing more their dreams wherein being an educated person is the only for these dreams to be attained.
Effects on the Parents and Children
Financial
Financial difficulties among single mother parents is undeniably tough. These challenges from monetary aspects have a great effects to both the mother and the child. Overcoming these challenges tend a single mother to do jobs more than one. Because of doing these jobs, a single mother might be consuming a lot of hours outside the house which may result to the child's lack of attention and care from the mother. Moreover, consuming a lot hours in work means that the single parent consumes a lot of energy in doing it. Therefore, the lone mother might forget taking care oneself. Forgetting in caring oneself may lead the single mother to be ill. These things might make the situation get worst if the the lone mother forget to rear the child well for the single mother is busy earning money to support the daily needs of the family.
Psychological
Because of many psychological challenges children are experiencing, these can have great effect on their growth. Loneliness of children may lead to them to the feeling of being always alone, lack of attention, and guidance which affect their view about their parents. And as if there is no person who will care for them at all. Furthermore, because of the child rearing differences for they are reared and raised in a single parent family, these might result to lack of trust by children to people they are socializing with. Since the family is only composed of one parent, many friends and relatives may be involved in raising the child which sometimes even caused more stigmas to both the parent and the child.
Emotional
Filipinos, especially women are very emotional. Therefore, single parents are not emotionally ready of what happened to their family. For them, it is mixed emotions. Anger, happiness, sadness, disappointed, and confused are some of the emotions they have during their first days in struggling of being a single parent. As a result of being mad to the their spouse, children tend to be annoyed and confused on the situation. Instead of being mad because of the situation they land to, might as well give the best attention the children need.
Other than that, for instance, single mothers will look for some ways just to relieve their loneliness. They are more focused on dating and looking for someone who can help overcome their loneliness. With the eagerness in finding that someone, they might forgot that things should not be rushed. If they rushed things and marry a wrong guy again for the sake of just being with someone, that would only make them more miserable. After all, single parents are not the only one who are suffering on the situation, but also the children who are vulnerable and fragile with these kind of stigmas they should not have been experiencing.
In addition, these emotional issues made the single parents to be more strong not only for themselves, but also for their children who are only depending on them. A single parent will not rely to other people for their emotional well-being. They will also learn to deal with the problems that they had never dealt before. Moreover, they would also be more understanding to people and may also help them in overcoming emotional difficulties they might also experiencing. Therefore, single mothers should focus more on the good things happening to their life instead of focusing on the bad things.
Social
Discrimination among single parents is really existing in the norm. These discriminatory statements to single parents made them more resilient. For them, the fact that they are single parents was not even their choice so, they just ignore these judgmental words they hear. However, they cannot deny the fact that at first they are pissed and tend to be more emotional because of these discriminatory statements. On the contrary, they are just thinking that if they will not ignore those statements, it will just make the situation worst that will surely affect their children. In short, they are doing this for the sake of the feelings of the children.
Meanwhile, alienation among children is the effect of the feeling of being different, discriminated, and alone. Their timidity in approaching a person to talk because of these misconceptions they have in mind, children in single parent families will just prefer to alienated on the group than to be hurt by the discrimination of their friends and remember their situation over and over again.
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