Chapter 1

Chapter 1

INTRODUCTION

A. Background of the Study

        Single Parenting is the term we used for a person building a family or raising a child without marriage or without the present of husband or wife. Anyone can be a single parent depending upon the relationship you established with your partner. (http://singleparentphilippines.blogspot.com/2009/12/causes-of-single-parenting.html )

        Single-parent families have become increasingly prevalent since 1950. In fact, one out of every two children in the United States will live in a single-parent family at some time before they reach age eighteen. According to the United States Census Bureau, in 2002 about 20 million children lived in a household with only their mother or their father. This is one-fourth of all children in the United States. (http://www.healthofchildren.com/S/Single-Parent-Families.html#b)

        Sometimes, this kind of family is caused by divorce especially in Western countries where this is legal. If the court finds the marriage unsuitable and no hope for reconciliation between the couple, the court has no choice but to grant the divorce. Apart from that, this is also caused by death of the partner. Many people said that life is too short and no one knows someone's death, and this unexpected happening may lead to some dilemmas to the other partner. (http://singleparentphilippines.blogspot.com/2009/12/causes-of-single-parenting.html)

        Furthermore, the most common reason why this kind of family exists in the society is because of early pregnancy among teenagers. Teenagers nowadays are very curious and aggressive, and tend to feel being neglected by their parents for they are looking for someones attention to fulfill their need of love and affection they cannot feel when they are with their parents.

        Teenage pregnancy is increasing rapidly these years at a pace of about 90% than ten years ago. This means the population is multiplying as days goes by. In beliefs and traditions, long time ago, teenagers were not allowed to get pregnant before they get married (usually in countries of southern Africa). They were penalized by paying heavy fines or sometimes were even burnt with fire. But nowadays, the cultures have loose value and people don't care and are not even bothered by this. (http://www.mylistmanager.co.za/ulscommon/publishing/General/9976_What_about_teenage_pregnancy.html).

        Parenting is an unyielding job, but single parenting is even more unyielding challenge, because one parent fulfills the duty and responsibility of a father and a mother to their child/children. Single parenting needs a lot of patience and determination because it is highly demanding for you and your child.

        Being a single parent in the Philippines is not so easy. Since our government does not do anything about it to help all of the single parents here in the country. So it only means one thing, single parents need to be creative and more open to all financial opportunity that can able to help them support their kids. It drains the body of every single parent, working like a dog at work, running a house hold. Provide their children of all their needs from food, shelter, education, medicine and clothing. It also drains their mind by thinking for the betterment of their child from their spiritual, emotional, social, physical and mental behaviors. Single parenting can change the totality of a person. Single parents should have a different method in molding the character of their child for they are prone from bullies and criticisms from other people. Single parents should learn how to deal and cope to the moods of their child. (http://singleparentphilippines.blogspot.com/search/label/SINGLE%20PARENT%20IN%20THE%20PHILIPPINES)

        Changes in family values are very rampant today. Many people are giving broad definitions about family like gay couples, child free couples, grandchildren raised by their grandparents, single parenthood and even one’s self can be considered as family if one claims it; and how they can handle such situations they will be facing. Although at present, the traditional Filipino family is now slowly fading and are now moving into a modern type of families like single parenthood. Hence, this kind of family should be given respect in the society because of the problems they are facing not just within themselves but also with their children whom they live for; as well as the children who get affected with these issues.

        Problems caused by single parenting do not only affect the mother nor the father but also their children.

        The purpose of this paper is to provide information on the effects of single-parenthood on Filipino children.

B. Statement of the Problem

   This study aims to answer this question:

   1.  What are the effects of single-parenthood to Filipino children?

C. Significance of the Study

Through this research, the researcher will be able to determine the common problems faced by single parents; these effects on children; and the coping measures of single parent to strengthen them.

Family. This will provide knowledge for them to provide emotional and moral support to their respective daughters who are single parents. Having one of the biggest roles in the student's support system, this will provide them additional knowledge in escorting their daughters towards success.

Single-Parents. Knowledge of this study will help single-parents cope their problems with regard in raising their child/children. This research will provide them some tips and recommendations in coping single parenting challenges.

Children. Children will also benefit from this study because they are the focus of researching this topic. The effects of the problems in single parent families on them as they are facing this complicated world.

Society. This research paper would be able to help people in the society to keep them more aware with these rampant and growing concern happenings in our country. Moreover, this could also help them accepting those issues present in our place.

Future Researchers. This could aid them and serve as a baseline data for other researchers who wish to improve the scope of the study. This may be used as a guide for those who aim to broaden and emphasize the concept of this study.


D. Scope and Delimitation

         Children have been considered one of the factors that make a family; hence, this study focuses on the effects of single-parenthood on children.

         Due to time constraints, this study will no longer discuss other causes of single parenthood such as divorce, death of partner, and choice. The researcher will concentrate more on the challenges both the single mother and the child are experiencing which affects them. In addition, the researcher believes that this issue regarding single parenthood should be given some focus on. Therefore, this study would be very helpful and relevant to the continuous changes here in our country in terms of family and society.


E. Materials and Methods

        This research employs and informative and descriptive method since the researcher's aim is to inform, to describe and to discuss the effects of single-parenthood on children.

        Information relevant to the study was gathered from some reference materials like journal articles from online sources. In addition, the researcher interviewed three students from a single parent family as well as two single parents - a teenage single mother and a single mother from separation.


F. Definition of Terms

Children. A young human being below the age of full physical development or below the legal age of majority. One that complete a family.

Family. In human context, it is a a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family)

Financial. Of or relating to finance.

Psychological. Of, affecting, or arising in the mind; related to the mental and emotional state of a person.

Single Parent Family. A household consisting of at least one dependent child and the mother or father, the other parent being dead or permanently absent.

Single Parent. Usually refers to a parent who has most of the day to day responsibilities in the raising of the child or children, which would categorize them as the dominant caregiver who is not living with a spouse or partner, or those who are not married. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_parent)

Teenage Pregnancy. is pregnancy in a female under the age of 20 (when the pregnancy ends). A pregnancy can take place at any time after menarche (the first menstrual period), which signals the possibility of fertility.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_pregnancy)

New Tentative Outline

I. What Makes a Family?
          A. Children
II. Early Pregnancy
          A. Factors Contributing in Early Pregnancy
                    1. Glamorization of Pregnancy
                    2. Peer Pressure
                    3. Absent Parents
                    4. Lack of Knowledge
                    5. Sexual Abuse or Rape
                    6. Teenage Drinking
III. Single-Parenthood
          A. Issues and Problems Faced by Single Parents  
                    1. Financial
                    2. Emotional
                    3. Psychological
          B.  Effects on Children
                    1. Financial
                    2. Emotional
                    3. Psychological

Emotional Problems on Single Parents

John D. (Jack) Mayer says, “Emotions operate on many levels.  They have a physical aspect as well as a psychological aspect.  Emotions bridge thought, feeling, and action – they operate in every part of a person, they affect many aspects of a person, and the person affects many aspects of the emotions.”

Different people define emotions in different ways. Well, emotions are powerful. It can affect your physical and psychological bodies. Emotions can control your thinking, behavior and actions. Some people sometimes ignore their emotions are setting up themselves into physical iilness. Negative emotions like sadness and frustration can cause chemical reactions that are very different in chemical reactions released by positive emotions like happy and accepted.

Speaking of emotions; for most people, becoming a single parent was not their choice. Therefore it is hard for them to cope with their sudden emotions that thay're are going through as they go along being a single parent.

Researching about this matter gave me a hard time looking for an article and as I continued finding articles patiently; luckily, I have one. An article about Emotional rescue - coping with emotions as a single parent which tackles about some emotional issues single parents and tips on how to grow through them. 

Some of the emotional issues are:

1.  Anger

         According to the article, anger is the most confusing human emotions, and can be most dangerous too.  When we are angry, we feel our hearts beat faster and our body reacts differently and sometimes uncontrollably. It can arise due to any number of factors e.g. (threats and frustrations). Apart from that, it also states that "when anger takes hold and left untamed, we can become irrational, even dangerous. But when we kept in check, anger will help us deal with the situations we face."

So, here are some tips given in the article in order to help lessen anger because you might hurt yourself if can't handle it well.

   1. Acknowledge and accept your anger

   2. Identify the reason - am I feeing hurt, frustrated or 

       threatened?

   3. Take steps to deal with the cause or get help to talk about it

   4. Decide on a strategy to stay in control for when your anger 

       is triggered

   5. Find a ‘safe’ outlet for your anger such as ‘kneading’ bread or 

       smashing glass jars at the bottle bank

   6. Talk to a trusted friend or get some counselling

   7. When you are ready, forgive the people who hurt you.

2.  Rejection

          Rejection happens to us all. In school, house, and even workplace; it happens. The pain of rejection can take in many different forms and it is difficult for us to accept such rejections we experienced.

Here are some steps to help in coping with rejection as what the article has given:

  1. Not everyone will treat you like the person who hurt you

  2. Look at the situation: it could be that what you are saying/

      doing is what is being rejected, not you!

  3. Healing is possible, and you can move on to greater, deeper 

       friendships.

3.   Loneliness

          The article states that "loneliness is a condition where we can only depend on ourselves for strength or mental nourishment. It's a period when we may be completely alone or, although we are with others, we may feel alienated from them and unable to share our unique experiences with any other perso at that specific moment. Rejection and loneliness often go hand in hand." 

Lonely parenting is a difficult task to do because we only one parent is raising his/her child/children. It also states there that loneliness is not just an absence of people, though sometimes we desperately want to be with others because we want to be loved and to have a sense of belonging. Well, friends and family do make such difference and help; however, it is not always enough.

Strategies to cope up with loneliness:

  1. Get involved in someone else’s life - visit a friend or invite 

      one round. Include sharing meals together.

  2. Take up a hobby, like bread-making - which is good for 

      kneading out aggressive feelings!

  3. Don’t run from your problems through using drugs, 

      alcohol, overeating or oversleeping. These can have a 

      harmful affect on your recovery process.

  4. Cultivate a positive mental attitude: be optimistic; 

      appreciate yourself; love yourself.

  5. Learn to trust again.

Emotions also plays a vital part in single parenting because how can a single parent can have the capability of raising his/her child/children better, if he/she cannot handle her emotions and feelings in a specific situation.

Financial Problems on Single Parents

There are many problems a single family is facing. These are: lack of social enganging, how to raise your child/children being the only one in the family, balance of time in work and duties in home and most especially financial stability. Not all of us are given a chance to live in this world who is highly stable in terms of money matters. Especially when the single parent in the family is only the mother itself because in terms of income, the father has the most modest income among the two.


Financial stability is one of the vital factors in parenting deny it or not. Yes, it is very significant because it encompasses day care needs, schooling, food, housing, medical/dental assistance and even the gifts and rewards you will give on your child/children - money really matters.

According to an article Financial Problems for Single Parents by Cynthia Gomez, single income, child support payments, job issues and unexpected expenses are some of the reasons why single parents are having difficulty in terms of financial matters.

The article states that if a single parent did not manages to work two jobs, he/she would definitely struggle financially and might as well ask government assistance to meet their financial obligations. Moreover, those single parents who have worked full time on their job, may have difficulties in handling their child/children. And one thing that made a single parent be problematic about his/her finances is the unexpected expenses like his/her child is ill.

There are so many things a single parent will always think, and we all know that at times we should make decisions forcibly but in the long run we will realize that after we made those decisions, we already gained the strength that we didn't know we had. But how should we overcome on these matters?

As I continued searching in the Internet, I read and encountered an article about Single Parenting Tips by Jennifer Wolf which talks about practical tips on how to cope with challenges and gain a sense of hope and personal strength for the days ahead. And I will cite some of those single parenting tips that the author tackled about:

1. Develop a Support Network
This is absolutely crucial. You need to know who you can depend on right now. Most likely, this network includes your immediate family and friends, but think about other people in your life who might also help you. Making an actual list of who these people are can help remind you that you're not alone.

2. Be Present with Your Kids
When you're with your children, make an effort to be emotionally present with them. It would be easy to retreat into your heart right now, but this is a time when your children truly need you more than ever. Simple activities like playing a board game or taking a walk together can go along way toward communicating the message that life will go on and they will, indeed, be okay.

3. Get the Facts About Your Situation
You might be tempted to make quick decisions right now about where to live and how to handle your finances. However, ignorance in this area can be extremely dangerous, and so can making rash, uninformed decisions. For now, take the time to find out where you stand financially. Gather the necessary papers in order so that when you are emotionally ready to make changes, you'll be prepared and able to make informed decisions.

4. Grieve and Pay Attention to your Physical Health
Expressing your feelings is important to your overall health. Schedule a regular "date" with a friend to vent, cry, and grieve. Aside from that, this may be a time when you are feeling especially worn down and drained. Combat that by making the effort to eat healthy foods and choose energizing ways to fuel your body.

5. Identify What Gives You Strength
In the past, how have you handled challenging times in your life? What most energizes you and reminds you that you possess the strength needed to meet the current challenge? Focus on what has worked for you in the past.

6. Let Go of What Isn't Working
Likewise, let go of what has not worked for you. As you move through this first year, reflect on the habits and choices that have not served you well, and decide to change them. In addition, if there are things from the past that you cannot change, let go of unhealthy guilt and remorse.

7. Focus on the Positive
This is a time of new growth in your life. Take the time to think about the things that are going well for you. Having a positive attitude - even in the midst of extreme circumstances - can empower you to move ahead and provide your children with a tangible example of the coping strategies you want them to adopt.

8.  Ask for Help
Of all of the single parenting tips listed here, this one is probably the most difficult to apply. However, you must know that there really are people around you who would love to help! Keep in mind, too, that asking for help and letting others into your life is a gift to yourself and to the person assisting you. Sharing in one another’s lives during difficult times affirms our human connection and brings a sense of purpose to everyday living.

To sum these things up, just accept the situation you have and be optimistic on what is happening because you are not just now living for yourself. You are also now living for your child/children and you are the one that they are depending into. Just imagine your children suffering to your situation and you have nothing to do with it. You will be the only one who will raise your child/children and fufill the duties of a mother and a father.

We all have our different stages in life, and in all of these stages, there is always a problem to face. So, one thing I want to impart to all of you readers, "Don't stop learning, cause if you do, you will start decaying." Learn from all the problems and mistakes you will encounter and that will make you a better person especially for those single moms or dads out there.

Single - Parenthood

There's nobody stronger than a single parent.
- Unknown

Parenting is an unyielding job, but single parenting is even more unyielding challenge, because one parent fulfiils the duty and responsibilty of a father and a mother to their child/children. Single parenting needs a lot of patience and determination because it is highly demanding for you and your child. Families of single parents have daily struggles and long term disadavatages. They should be physically, emotionally and financially ready so they can easily cope with the struggles being the only parent in the family. Day care needs, quality time to children, schooling, balance of work and home duties are some of the issues this family has to solve in everyday life. Support and understanding from family is one of the primary considerations a single parent needs.

On the other hand, according to an article, Single Parenting by Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine,  numerous examples of single parenting exist in Islamic tradition who successfully raised their children, and these children shines brightly because they are raised by single parents. It also states there that they trust Allah and they are trying their very best just to be the best parents they could be for their children. They also need support in order for them to strive more in raising resilient Muslim children for the future. This just not goes with Muslim people. This also exists with all of the single parents in the world. They need the Divine Guidance so they could be the best parents to their children despite of struggles they are facing to. Well, there is no parent who wants their children not to be raised resilient, loving and disciplined for the future.

The article also states that a child or children raised by single parents improve in homes where there is stability, safety, love, and consisitency. Keeping these characteristics committed within a single parent, he/she will create an environment for the child to truly flourish.

Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine also says there that, raising secure and successful children requires single parents to confidently implement the following parenting skills:

1. Discipline
     -  Single parents must be careful to not allow children to dismiss rules set by the parent or to become their “friends.”  Setting boundaries for children creates much needed structure in all households (single and dual) because children want to know that their parent has rules and has set limits and expectations.

2. Consistency
     - Establishing routines, schedules and traditions are important for children when adjusting to a new family dynamic. A child wants to know what to expect and look forward to on a daily basis.  Consistency in everyday routines gives the child(ren) a feeling of security and stability.

3. Emotional Support
     - Single parents and their children may struggle with various feelings and emotions surrounding their new family structure. The parent and child may struggle with changes and upheavals in their life, and may share with one another the challenges of the new family structure. Parents need to listen and truly hear their child(ren) when  they share their thoughts and feelings.

4. It Takes a Village
     - Single parents will need help and support with the endless tasks and responsibilities of raising the child(ren) . This requires being comfortable asking for help from family and friends. Seeking support with childcare, such as carpooling, help in case of emergencies, or schedule conflicts at work, will benefit single parents when they are stretched in multiple directions.

5. Take Care of Yourself
     - Single parents work hard to care and provide for their children; many times, they neglect themselves or may feel guilty taking time away from their children.  However, it is necessary for parents to take care of themselves physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Giving without replenishing will limit a parent’s ability to be their best.  Scheduling time for hobbies and enjoyable activities like reading, watching a movie, having coffee with a friend, etc. are ways parents can find personal fulfillment.

Therefore, this just means that for a single parent to become the best parent for their children, he/she should practice a sense of parental skill in order for them not to feel burden of becoming the only one in the family. Moreover, to raise a child better, he/she should always sets boundaries between them so that respect will always be present in child-parent relationship. And also, don't forget to take good care of yourself because you can never be a good parent to your child/children if you, yourself cannot be a good parent within yourself.

Homework

1. Narrow down topic.
     - Changes in Family Values
     - Modern Type Families
     - Reasons why people today are moving into modern type of families
     - Single parenthood
     - Effects of Single-Parenthood in Children

2. Make a tentative outline.
     I. Definition of Family
     II. What makes a family?
          A. Children
     III. Single-Parenthood
          A. Issues and Problems Faced by Single Parents           
              1.) Financial           
     IV. Factors Influencing Single - Parenthood
          A. Early pregnancy
          B. Death of Partner
          C. Adoption
          D. Divorce
     V. Effects of Single - Parenthood
          A. Children

3. Informal to Formal

     Informal
        Along searching in the Internet about this matter, I encountered and read this article What Makes a Family? Children, Say many Americans by John Berman and Enjoli Francis which states that in the research and survey they have done last 2010, that unmarried man and woman given couple some kids, gay couple given children, and pets are part of the family. This only means that the traditional family is now slowly fading. What matters most for them is that they have their children to be raised on. These modern families are just thinking of what they believe on and don't even think what will happen in the future and the next generations if these kind of belief about family will continue and how can these matter affect on the society we are around.

     Formal
         An article researched and surveyed conducted last 2010 What Makes a Family? Children, Say Many Americans by John Berman and Enjoli Francis stated that unmarried man and woman and gay couple given by some kids, and pets are part of the family. Basically, traditional family is now slowly fading. To have children to be raised on is what matters most. The continuity of mentality about modern type of families will quite affect the society, the norm and probably the future generations.

4. Statement of Problem

     This research aims to answer this question:

          What are the effects of single-parenthood on children?

What Makes a Family?

“Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse...and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.”
       ― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

        This pertains with the relationship of the family as a whole. Happiness, joy, sufferings, and the feeling of being neglected is not a valid reason to affect the relationship as a family. Best thing to do is to remind every member of the family that during ups and downs; for better or for worse, that the only one, a person can lean on is the family. The reigning of love and respect is one of the things that makes out of it.

        But what really counts in a family? This is the question that always comes out to every person. Well, children make the most out of it. Why? For me, the essence of becoming a man is  to have complete participation in the process of continuity of human race and the essence of becoming a woman is to give birth. Aside from that, children are gifts and angels from God. They are the ones who keep joy and happiness in the atmosphere of the family.

        Moreover, the traditional family which consists of mother, father and their children which the top priority is how they will raise their children physically, emotionally, and spiritually is nowadays quite rare because many people today are moving into a modern type of a family. When we say modern, these are families which are single parenthood,  gay parents, child free couple, foster parents, pets as their family and children raised by grand parents.

        Along searching in the Internet about this matter, I encountered and read this article What Makes a Family? Children, Say many Americans by John Berman and Enjoli Francis which states that in the research and survey they have done last 2010, that unmarried man and woman given couple some kids, gay couple given children, and pets are part of the family. This only means that the traditional family are now slowly fading. What matters most for them is that they have their children to be raised on. These modern families are just thinking of what they believe on and don't even think what will happen in the future and the next generations if these kind of belief about family will continue and how can these matter affect on the society we are around.

       "Sixty percent of Americans in 2010 said that if you considered yourself to be a family, then you were one." One of the sentences in the article that really made me smile and think that, "If I will claim myself as a family then I would be?" Funny right? But when you dwell on it and think in more broad way, people are giving expansive meanings about what family is and makes people forget what is the true meaning of it.

Happy Reading! God Bless! :)

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As I have read the article by John Berman and Enjoli Francis , there are a lot of questions came up on my mind that I want to research more on.

Article:
     What makes a Family? Children, Say many Americans

Follow-up questions for research:
     Is single parenthood considered as family?
     Is gay parents considered as family?
     Is child free couple considered as family?
     Are foster parents considered as family?
     Are children raised by grandparents considered as family?
     Is having pet alone considered as family?
     What will be the advantages and disadvantages of these modern families to children?

Sources of Information:
     Internet
     Interviews